what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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