i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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