DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
