you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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