My Higher Power is John Stamos
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
