in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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