Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
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Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
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I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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