i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
