We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she pinky promised me she was 18
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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