He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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