you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
