I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
