you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
