make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I will pee on everything he values.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
