theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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