but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
