i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
