You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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