He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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