If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
