Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
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I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
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The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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