what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
