WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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