I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
