Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
