Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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