You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
