some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
