Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
