I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
