I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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