My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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