So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
