Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
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She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
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We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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