Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
