Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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