I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
