you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
