I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize