First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
True college students do jello shots in the library
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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