thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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