Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
