My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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