He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
