She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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