She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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