i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
