I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
