I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
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Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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