I wish I could punch you in the face.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
