i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
