I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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