Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
