Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
