please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
