thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
