We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
