I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This is the high leading the old right now
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
