he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
