highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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