I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
