Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just found puke in my bra..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
A+ Viking dick
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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