i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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