he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
