STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
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He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
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you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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